Lipsticks and Cheek Tints Painted All Over Your Screen

MOVED to smokingapples.blogspot.com

2006-05-02T14:47:00.000+08:00

MOVED to smokingapples.blogspot.com

update your links

:-)

2006-05-02T00:10:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you have to runaway just to see who cares..

My midnight meal made me blog.

2006-04-22T02:17:00.000+08:00

I have been currently digging on midnight snacks/meals. Just awhile ago, I finished all inihaw na pork chop on the kitchen table (there were two left from dinner), complete with rice, a huge ensaymada, and a pack of Yakisoba pancit canton. Just before that, I sweetened my taste buds with mocha ice cream and two chocolate-flavored iced candies. Now that’s the exact definition of a pig.

Thank God for soccer, I still manage to stay in shape. (Wushoo, ang feeling.) Oh that reminds me about yesterday, when I played soccer with Grace’s team (UP Manila) in the UP sunken garden. First, we played four on four, then played an 11-aside game with Koreans, whom, by the way, seem like they have been taking PE soccer classes since nursery. On our 4-aside game, my right shin clashed with Dan’s (ouch), while on our 11-aside game, I landed badly on my right foot, resulting to a minor aching sensation on my right ankle. My right ankle man! Again! Anyhow, the games were worth it…pure fun while baking our skins under the sun, while bathing our jerseys in our own sweat.

Soccer is mostly what this summer is made of. Plus friends, food, beer, sweat, Milo, bananas, and the telephone. Not money, not shopping, not fashion, but life.

Thinking out loud...

2006-04-19T12:41:00.000+08:00

I want to live in it.
…and to be tossed into the cleanest shore or the most therapeutic pebble beach by its life-saving waves, giving me a feel of limitless paradise.

I want to drown in it.
…and to be slapped by its ruthless thorns, leaving me stained with blood until I regain new strength and broader visions.

Ultimate freedom…once again, I’m longing for it.

Ang Hirap Matulog

2006-04-17T03:31:00.000+08:00

3:33 nang umaga na, at hindi pa rin ako makatulog.

Palagi na lamang ganito. Palagi akong nahihirapang matulog. Kung makatulog man ako nang 12:00 nang umaga, nagigising ako ng mga 2:00 nang umaga. Hindi mahimbing ang aking mga tulog. Bakit kaya?

Unti-unti nang nawawala ang mga tao sa YM.

Hahaha, alam niyo ba ang rason kung bakit gising pa rin ako ngayon? Hinde.

O eto. Mayroong insekto (parang ipis) sa aking kama kaya't hindi ako makatulog. Seryoso.

Pucha naman o. Kuhaan pa ng report cards mamaya. Gaano na kaya kalaki ang aking eye bags? DL kaya ako? Magigising kaya ako ng maaga? Gaano kaya kainit bukas? Sa cov courts ba kukunin ang cards o sa socsci foyer? Anong oras kaya ako makakatulog? Kailan kaya ako muling makakatulog ng mahimbing?

:

Err..?

2006-04-13T18:12:00.000+08:00

Makeup brushes aren’t as simple as they seem. There exists not only a blush brush (you know, the ones used for the cheeks) and an eye shadow brush, but also a concealer, blending, lip, spot concealer, eyebrow, and eyeliner brush. I learned about this in a magazine as I scanned the descriptions dedicated for each kind of brush.

I was really annoyed while scanning such (take note: scanning, not reading). Can’t the blush brush be used as a blending brush? Both are practically the same…well, at least for me. Plus, there isn’t much difference between the concealer brush and the spot concealer brush. Another thing – their costs range from P250-P3025! Thousands of pesos for a makeup brush? Over my dead body. I’d rather use my hands.

After scanning the descriptions, facts, and tips regarding these brushes, my eye caught another column on handling brushes with care, and another entitled “More Brush Tips!” Whaa! They actually give that much importance to makeup brushes?? Wow, women… beauty… Isn’t powder and lip gloss enough? Hehe.

Trying to look perfect in the eyes of society is COMPLICATED!! These are just makeup brushes that make me go insane. How much more with foundations, concealers, eye shadows, etc?

Hahaaa…

Hands down to all makeup artists out there. :-)

Magic 8-Balls

2006-04-02T14:20:00.000+08:00

Why can't we just press a button to figure out what's best to do? Or better yet...

Why can't Magic 8-Balls be accurate? And truthful?

I wish Magic 8-Balls were “all-knowing.”
Wouldn't everything be easier with that? Wow... Imagine it...

No woman would cry and go crazy on love anymore. They would exactly know what to do and what to show the man they're crushing on. They wouldn't stay up all night waiting for a text message from a guy. They wouldn't end up on their best friend's shoulder, wiping and blowing on tissues, frantically telling about their most tragic love affair.

Hopeless romantics would forever remain as tiny specks of dust on an abandoned mansion.

Wow. Perfect and simple love stories.

But then, when you come to really think of it, there would be no challenge. Love would be an effortless aspect in a woman's life. What would make her strong? Selfless? How would she have any idea on what eternal love really is? Would she even know what LOVE is?

Hm... Our Magic 8-Balls today, well, they're perfect the way they are, right? Entertaining liars. Yeah. They're just enough to excite a woman...make her hope and wish for the best love story there could possibly be...

Summer's First Week

2006-04-01T12:23:00.000+08:00

- Punta Fuego with Sam, Kia, Cara, Nj, Charmie, Ben, Calvs, Jc, Aldric, Ck, and Reg (and her friends)

- loner at Galle for 4 hours (that's to show how much I love you, Mother)

- inuman at Mikey's with Mikey (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!), Jake, Gian, Bj, Bern, Kat, Krista, and Deb

- football later with Grace and her team

I'm so lazy to blog so lazy so lazy so lazy to make kwento so lazy so lazy so lazy so lazy ... Let the pictures speak ...

By the way, pumuti si Jb. Stig. =p Haha.

Silent Suicide

2006-03-26T12:27:00.000+08:00

Its orange tip stands out
in the dark blanket of night...
Its sheer, gray smoke
graces through,
dancing with the wind.
It secretly burns -
slowly, slowly,
savoring every second of its moment,
its life...

A cig inspired me to write this. San ka pa? :)

Addicted

2006-03-25T13:46:00.000+08:00

Okay, first of, I'd like to say FUCK YOU to the waitress in Jack's Loft who wouldn't let me have a drink. I'm legal, and she's depriving me from my rights. FUCK YOU. Next time, don't worry, I'm not goin to order drinks in a sweet tone anymore. Next time, I'm goin to diss my blue sleeveless ripcurl top with hawaiian flowers in front, and replace it with a skimpy one. ESPECIALLY FOR YOU BITCH. You bitch, who defines an 18-year-old as that. Shallow indeed.

My Friday was really great (kahit na mejo nabiktima kami ng Cosmic Irony). We had the play fest and watched Bern's gig and saw Uncle J strut his stuff in his bar. "SHAKE YOUR BOOTY, LET'S HAVE FUN!!!" (Haha, right Kat?) By the way, Bern was really HOT!! Wuhoo, it's the guitar mehn! Even the guys can't take their eyes off him while he was playing the bass!! Shet.

Aww. I'm going to miss all of these. Tear.. tear... another tear... (NYER.)

Er, what can I say? I love my eng blockmates so much. Damn, gone are our caf moments, spur of the moment inumans, school bondings... :(
Through the look of Jake and Bj's conversation last Friday night at Uncle J's, the encouragement and comfort we've given Jake regarding tooot, the cheers and support we've given Bern on his gig, the walk-out they've done on Jack's Loft for me, (etc..) what else could possibly be sadder than not having the usual MWF's in school, than being away from them for 3 months?

I'm going to miss it, miss them, miss everything. I'm going to miss even our practices for the Lit play at Liza's and Mikey's (and Tiendesitas and Eastwood).

I'm going to miss Sir Lem and his extra-challenging classes, his quizzes, and his surprises. It's our learning that matters to him, not our grades... Believe it or not, even if I constantly get 2/5 or 1/5 in his quizzes, Sir Lem's magis attitude and style yielded positive results. Thank you Sir.

Waah. I wish I could have all of these forever. Why does everything and everyone have to be like the moon, inconstant and changing?

Haay. Nostalgic ampucha.

Drew's
(Bj & Kat [pa-cute], me [emo], Bern [sabog])

Caf
(me [fat], Kat [hot], Bern [hot])

Caf
(me [still fat], Kat [hot hair], Bern [pa-cute])

Playfest (toot and Richard)
Check out the butt of this dude. Hahaha. Sorry toot, but Kat and I just enjoy looking at it. HAHAAA joke :))

But ho, you know what I'll terribly miss? These:
- the refillable Tang orange juice (minsan, isa lang bibili, tapos makikiinom at makikirefill nlng.. haha!)
- the DONUT incident, even if I didn't see it
- the california maki, or what we call "Cam's food" (which is now Missing In Action )
- Kat's ultra high-pitched voice
- the times when the guys check out/spot hot chicks
- Gian and Bj's "bonfires"
- Jake's flexing arm (and muscles.. naks)
- Jake's glasses
- Bj's "FACE"
- tommy gun
- the girl talks with Kat and Bern
- the serious talks with Jake and Bj
- the tooot breaks with Bern
- the lib sofas
- the NOISY lib bondings at the lib sofas
- Gian's unending questions (haha, ung non-stop..haha)
- summer job at Mcdo fantasies (SIR, PA-VOID)
- the inom then wall climbing then ice skating plan that never pushed through
- the isaws at UP
- the lit hirits (there are A LOT of them)
- picture takings
- the soccer experience (with the drumline!!)
- Drew's
- orgy
- Bern's bwakawness sa orgy
- Bj and Bea
- Kat's Amber Romance
- tough chick
- saku
- ireg
- "pa-void"
- "her hair..."
- "mamimiss ko kayo!!"

Grr.. the more I think, the longer the list goes, the gloomier I get. I'd better STOP.

Mehn, I'm going to miss my MWF's.

I am one self-absorbed girl.

2006-03-20T20:24:00.000+08:00

During our practice game with Brent last Saturday, I managed to make a tomboyish girl fall butt first on the ground. She ended up whining, “Ref!! REEFFF!!” but the referee didn’t mind her at all. OH YEAH THAT FELT GOOD. Plus, I happened to kick the ball straight on someone’s face…she ended up with a bleeding nose. (Hey, I didn’t mean to do it.)

And, yeah, I got an A in Chemistry!!! Quatro mehn… I need not take the finals anymore!! That’s the shit! Oh yeah I love Chem.

Okay, enough enough. :)
Gusto ko lang magyabang. Hehehe.

What could be worse than you?

2006-03-20T20:21:00.000+08:00

You know what, I don’t care about you anymore.

You are so complicated – so complicated that I couldn’t figure out the real you.

You tell me to do this and that to understand you, yet I could not.

What more do you want me to do? Huh?!

You’re with me everyday at home, wrapping me around your arms every Tuesday and Thursday, and occupying my free time every Sunday.

Hey, I believe that I am logical, so why are you always telling me that I am wrong?

Why make me suffer? Why? What did I do to you anyway?

I used to love you, really.

I was having the best time of my life with you during January…

Unfortunately, things didn’t work out.

I’m tired, okay? Screw you. I give up.

Math. Ugh. Stay away from me.

So what if I fail in your final test?

As if you’re going to love me if I don’t.

Lazy Piece o' Shit

2006-03-12T14:28:00.000+08:00

Thuz me, one lazy piece o' shit. I do' wana study anymore ho!

Ma Friday wuz a blast thou. Did nuthin but hang 'round the caf, drink outside schoo, practice actin fo' our play, and praise th blue booters in th bonfire while gobblin up all th free food i could eat.

Damn, the bonfire (literally the bonfire) wuz a blast indeed. Specially th fireworks yo. The fireworz. Mehn 'twas th best, cheerin under the firework-studded nightsky wit yo teammates and friends (eng block).

Plus, mah team had photo-shoots wit th mens' team. Paradise ya'l. Haha.
Plus plus, Nj and I gave back th UAAP trophy to my long-time cruszh. Nirvana mehn.

Ya know whu? Thiz is really irritatin, writin in my blog like a rapperrr fro' Nellyville.

Hahaha. I gotta study, but I can't seem to do it.
Save me.

My Girls

2006-03-08T21:47:00.000+08:00

check it out closely.

kagulo!

all smiles ;)

I LOVE THEM.
BOOOONFIREEEE NAAA!!

turn me into a CUTE dog...with a BREED

2006-03-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

I am so D-R-A-I-N-E-D. I have been doing my Filipino paper for 3 ½ hours already. I’ve only completed the easy parts of it, which comprised of four pages. I have four more pages to go to complete the minimum requirement of page numbers, eleven to complete the maximum. It is really perplexing, confusing, hard, and irritating to write an academic research paper in Tagalog!! Mehn.

Hm... I wish I could turn into a dog (take note: CUTE dog, with a BREED) right now.
That way, I wouldn't be obliged to write acad papers.
I'd be an alien to both English and Filipino, the way I am an alien to barking right now.
Kids, hot guys (ang girls =p), adults, and grannies, will repeatedly tell me that I'm cute.
They would baby me.
They would treat me better than the black sheep of their family.
My caretakers would feed me Pedigree.
Oh, the delight!! Pedigree!
The small, brown-colored balls that look like Milo Cereals, if I'm not mistaken.
And the best part is... I'd be able to pee anywhere.
Yes, finally.
Hopefully.

I want to be a dog. A cute dog. With a breed.

Ugh. I’m so tired of writing... brings out a different side in me.

What's your life like?

2006-02-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

Is it like Henry Sy’s? Like Mischa Barton’s? Like the banana-que child-vendor's near KFC Katipunan?

Is your life parallel to the life of Manong Guard in school, who stays up all day to check on every student without an ID, on every suspicious-looking person?

Is it the same as the isaw vendor in UP Dil, who lives his every day enduring the extreme heat from the grill, who lives his every day inhaling all the smoke from the frying of isaws and betamax’s?

Is it like the children’s, fragile-looking in worn-down shirts and soiled shorts and slippers, who sell bundles of sampaguita in Churches every Sunday just to be able to have allowance for school, or money for their family’s food?

Or is it like the life of the lady seated on a leather sofa in a posh restaurant, dressed up in an elegant attire, skin well-moisturized, and hair free from the most perfect imperfection, who is in a terrible state of grief and sorrow due to the upcoming day of her migration to a faraway country?

Or that of the young, gorgeous, Abercrombie and Fitch model look-alike guy, strutting his stuff on the grounds of Greenbelt 3, complete with his perfectly ironed polo and slacks, his polished leather shoes, and his shiny Jaguar key dangling from his crocodile-skinned belt, whose problem is not of finding a 36-24-36 girlfriend, but of finding acceptance and warmth in his family?

Is your life like Kid Rock’s? Like the Kiss’ (band)? Who pluck, strum, growl, jump, sing, compose, and entertain countless rockers? Who serve as gods to millions of longhaired or bald or “mohawked” music lovers worldwide?

Or is it of a regular teenager’s, who has a number of denims and tees hung in his/her closet? Who thinks that getting kicked out of school is the worst thing that could ever happen? Who studies all night, and is then rewarded with mental block the next day? Who finds his/her professor boring, cute, sexy, old? Who finds love as something magical yet complicated? Who secretly watches porn, who secretly masturbates, who fucks without the consent of the king? Who values his/her friends more than his/her life? Who throws his/her candy wrappers indifferently on the streets in front of the Metro-Aids and NO LITTERING sign? Who believes in God? Who thinks weed is cooler than cigarettes? Who finds McDonald’s as the next best thing to Jollibee? Who sees Multiply, Friendster, and Blogspot as nothing but a representation of something better than reality, as a mirror of a fake and pretentious life?

Everyone is different from the other, as we all know. But being aware of others, of others less/more fortunate, of others who are mostly misjudged, of others who are just like us, is what should be present in all. I’m craving for a world wherein everyone accepts everyone as who they are, not as who they should be. I’m yearning to wake up and see people helping each other strive to become righteous, problem-free humans. (Wow…Miss Universe ba ito?! Haha.)

Problem-free? That’s so unlikely to happen, but with a helping hand (or two…or three), it’ll be more like this: ~~probl~~em-free.

So, what’s your life like?
Ready to help the Abercrombie and Fitch look-alike?
I am. :)

I Love My Sunday

2006-02-27T12:57:00.000+08:00

La Salle Schools are all painted in GREEN.

Being in a La Salle school triggers hatred within me. I don't know why, but ever since high school, everytime I set food on La Salle territory and see all the windows tinted green and the pipes and walls painted white and green, I feel so irritated. I have nothing against La Salle (hey, I LOVE LA SALLE PEOPLE SO MUCH), but I couldn't understand how this came to be.

FEU Lady-Men

It's true! The FEU Football team are LADY-MEN! Haha! I'm not making fun of them... it's just how I see them. They were cheering for the prettiest girl in our team (prettiest for me-Mandy). They kept on teasing Caira for being pa-simple everytime she says sorry to the FEU players. Plus, they look like men. They act like men. They talk like men. Now I know why they're so good in football. Hahahaha joke.

ALABANG GIRLS - Distractingly Pretty

Some of them were part of the SEA Games Women's Football Team, while some came from the UP and DLSU Football Teams. They're so pretty!!! If FEU:Lady-Men, ALABANGGIRLS:Lady-LadyLady. Hahaha.

DLSU Mutants

Soccer mutants. In GREEN. Waah. Terrifying.
I got smacked by a soccer ball straight on the face. SOLID. My lips kept on bleeding. DEJAVU!!

ATENISTANG NAG-AARAL

Some of us were studying while we were not playing. :) NERD. Hahahaha.

The Friendly Neighborhood

Nj hosted our team after the game. She fed us with pizza, nuts, drinks, chocolates, etcetc. Hehe. It was so fuuuun!! We had pictorials, chocolates-in-the-nostrils-then-eat-the-chocolates gaguhan, plain gaguhan, etc. Hahaha! Thanks Nj!

Roadtrip home and ICE MONSTER

The billboards are useful sources of conversation. Our roadtrip home revolved on what we saw on the billboards. Haha it was fun, really, kahit bangag na kami.

I finally got to eat ICE MONSTER (with Nikki, K, Cha, Caira)!! I've been craving since Wednesday.. Hehe.

***

I slept at once upon arriving home. I woke up at 7:04 am, and feared that I was gonna be super late for school, given that our Lit reporting is scheduled today!! Well, super thanks to those who texted me about the suspension of classes. :)

Four days straight without school?! I'm loving this!!! Hahaha.
By the way, good luck to our country. There is still HOPE.
Pray pray pray...

Johari Window

2006-02-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

ANSWER PLEASEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! :)

http://kevan.org/johari?name=camiwammie

Lalala...

2006-02-25T18:58:00.000+08:00

Nga pala, Jb and others, I've uploaded our pictures na at http://photos.yahoo.com/ilovemilk08 !! As you know, patay na multiply ko.

I just stayed home all day today to rest. I did nothin but sleep, study a bit for math, watch television (wow! himala!), eat, and go online. I was supposed to play soccer at sunken with Grace's team but I suddenly felt shy. HAHA. And the weather's so humid that it made me so lazy to go out... I ended up sleeping. Sorry Grace.

Yesterday, I devoted every second of my afternoon reading and studying for my Filipino topic outline. Damn it, I couldn't settle for an approach - Feminist or Marxist! I ended up with nothing... ARGH!! I finished my outline though. Thank God.

Then, I went out at night with Jb and Che and other DLSU people. We went to Greenwoods.. Waw, that place was way far than I imagined. Lalala...

We have a game tomorrow at Zobel... Pray for us please. Magpaparty ako kapag 3rd place (or 2nd or 1st.. woohoo!) kami. PROMISE. :) Wish us luck please!!!!!

Miscellaneous Stories and Thoughts

2006-02-23T15:35:00.001+08:00

* Feb 16 entry, #1, is addressed to GIAN. Hahahaha!!! Thanks for deleting that post.

* Shetters. I hate the way Sir Lem piles up our Lit work. GGRRRR!! I'm so lazy that such amount of work he gives doesn't appeal to me. Agree, Eng blockmates?? Waa. I have to stop bein this lazy ass I am right now. Tut, someone motivate me, ho!

* Training yesterday was really fun! LAUGHTRIP all the way until the end. I think it's the Ice Monster that made us so hyper, energetic, and "aroused." Juris, our keeper owes us 4 Ice Monsters because she failed to block 40 of our kicks. And, yea, Cha laki, our Cebuano teammate, kept on saying "piste gi atay" today. Hahaha!

* I should be watching the ADMU-DLSU football game right now!!! But here I am at home, typing. Damn, I still have a lot to finish for tomorrow... :(

* Ever wonder why you feel like hugging or biting when you hear the name Jb? WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Nakakagigil grabe!!!!!!!

A F*cked Up Self

2006-02-16T14:49:00.000+08:00

1. ARGH!! The posts on other people's blogs are so irritating! Why do they have to post EVERYTHING they know about someone?? Come on... can't they be a little discreet?

2. This day sucks. I'm still uncertain about my topic for our Fil research paper... It really sucks when everyone around you is laughin while you are stuck in another world, tryin to figure out a Fil research paper topic. Haay!!

3. I badly wanted to watch the UAAP men's football game awhile ago. It's really shitty that I have to go home at once to face the realm of obligations obligations obligations.

4. Lit egroups - unfair for the people who don't go online everyday. Need I say more?

5. I've been sleepin late (11pm onwards) since last week and it sucks. The feeling really sucks. Guess I'll have to deal with huge, black eye bags forever.

6. Valentine's day was NOT the day. Even if the guys from our block came up with a sweet plan to surprise us with roses (YEAH, i received a flower on Vday..WISH GRANTED!!), even if Jb visited and everythin, the day was still not right. Filipino ruined it... Filipino... Argh...

7. I got a C+ on our third long test. I got a 0 (yes, zero) on our quiz awhile ago. A to C+ to F... that's really really great.

8. I left my phone here at home. It's with my dad right now... I think. Shit. Wag naman sana niyang pakialaman un. Eeeck.

9. "We have training today?!!? I didn't know that!! How come nobody told me??"

10. The inuman yesterday with my English blockmates was addicting, when in fact, it didn't have to be... because with inuman comes --.

PS: hehe.. astig, cover ng The Lasallian si tricia at mike!! wuhoo! i need to see that! :)

Crushes... Wahaha

2006-02-09T19:55:00.000+08:00

i joined the astig amazing race with denise and nikki last friday. super nakakapagod kasi ung stations nakakalat sa buong ateneo. pero sobrang saya!!! :)) grabe laughtrip ung saging! tapos kadiri ung ampalaya juice at ung isa pang kakaibang yucky, nakakasuka drink. tapos ung math and logic problems ang hirap...well, for me mahirap. grrraar. tumalon and nagswimming nlng kami sa cervini pool nung nalaman namen na may winner na. hahaha! super saya! then guess what? nagswimming din crush #2 ko! woohoo! tapos super saya na!!! that time triggered my crushywushy feelings for him. wahahaha!!!

anyway, crush #1 day na naman today. thanks kay sam, nakita ko sha sa manang's. super obvious ko kaya, pero i didn't care. i was expressing my feelings lang naman eh. haha. tapos sa cov courts, aba nadaanan din ako!! tapos super commotion before and after niya dumaan!! ung guard and comelec person near the gate nagtataka na nga eh. well.. super kilig to the maximum level kasi si gago. hahaha..

haay. sana naman may effect ung mga to sa chem lt ko tomorrow...

that reminds me, super sablay ng math lt ko kanina. tanginang permutations combinations yan. tapos ung madaling problem, mali pa. GRR. AARRRRGGHHH!

okay cam... kiligin ka ulit. think of happy thoughts... crush 1 and crush 2...

hahaha shetters ang labo ko na.

The Ultra Tragedy

2006-02-06T19:36:00.000+08:00

The stampede at Ultra was the worst show business news I have ever heard. Who is there to blame? The unruly crowd, the Ultra security, or the Wowowee organizers?

Condolences to everyone.

Catching Up on Movies

2006-02-06T13:30:00.000+08:00

i just came across a site wherein jasmine and aladdin are having sex.
ugh.

anyway, i watched Dodgeball and Matchstick Men with Jb last saturday here at home.
Dodgeball - entertaining, predictable
Matchstick Men - sheet! the best! haha! one of my favorite actresses, Alison Lohman, starred in this movie! besides that, the story and the twist was really really great. :D

last night, i watched Exorcism of Emily Rose with Juanch and Dad. it was really disturbing... hey, what happened to Emily Rose could happen to anyone.. :[

2006-02-03T00:13:00.000+08:00

just came from the romeo and juliet play... saya!! but..i still have to check my mail about the amazing race tomorrow... daaaamn i'm sleepy...

2006-02-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

once i get used to loneliness, the human condition, i'll surely see life as a never-ending fireworks display. i wonder... when will THAT happen?
until when shall i have to endure wounds,
tears, and poisoned blood?
i'm still far from seeing the most perfect fountain,
from smelling the most addicting after-smell of roman candles,
powder, and fire…

extreme loneliness, and getting used to it, is the ultimate dose for a strong, unyielding self; for a more magnificent shower of colors on the black, star-studded sky. (parang situational irony between expectation and result… naks, lit-hirit.) i mean, cmon... bitterness paves way for one to appreciate sweetness more.

oh well. it will be worth the pain and the wait. :D

2006-01-28T13:01:00.000+08:00

loneliness is the human condition... get used to it.

2006-01-26T19:21:00.001+08:00

WHITE
the covered courts - the most exciting place to be during tuesdays and thursdays, 1-2:00 pm.
this day, however, was the most exciting among all tuesdays and thursdays this second sem.
WHY?
i saw coach joel, soccer/futsal/PE coach. armo is under his 1-2 pm men's futsal class, so i hurried to coach joel and asked him all sorts of stuff regarding armo. SHEEET! here's how it went (as far as i could remember.. haha):
me: COACH!! student nyo si armo?!
coach: oo! ung magaling mag-guitara.. (with actions)
me: YES COACH!! oO!! WEEAKJALDKLHKLAHKLASD!!!
coach: aun o! pakilala kita dali.
me: coach naman nahihiya ako! haha...
coach: yan ung nagguiguitara diba? galing yan magguitara.
me: oo coach sobra! CRUSH KO YAN! wahahha! *kilig* magaling ba maglarO?
coach: (i actually forgot what he answered)
me: mabait? :))
coach: tahimik. humble yan.
me: weeee!! talaga?! coahc!! *KILIG SUPER!!*
coach: kamukha mo yan.
me: d nga?! WOHADHKSAJDH!! *KILIG SUPER!!!!*
coach: oo nga!
we were already near the futsal area so i backed away, my "smile spreading like a butterfly" (oi.. Il Postino. haha!).
then i saw gian, and made buhos to him all my excitement!!!!! WOHOO!O conyo. haaaaaaha.. tina velasco, if you’re reading this, kiligin ka rin sana!

shet... the most exciting time of the day. :))

BLACK
my lolo died today... the famous LOLO GREG... please pray for him...

2006-01-25T12:28:00.000+08:00

i found an extremely informative and credible source for my english paper!! YEY!!!
the only problem is that i'm DONE with my paper... tsk. ARGH.
i found the best possible source after finishing my paper... how ironic is that?
wait, is that even an irony?
sir lemmy, i hate irony. can we just get over this topic?
tsk. academics = hell.

2006-01-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

trainings do not fulfill me anymore... i can see and feel no improvement within me and the team. :[

writing, according to Mr. Atienza, is a liberating way to free yourself. the private must be made public to be able to achieve a sense of self-growth and unity. hm... i might as well move to a new blog with such thoughts... make the whole world read about your private life?! it'll be embarassing man! hahaha.

why can i still manage to laugh despite my problems?! ha! because i have you people - my friends. nakssss. hahaha. yuck cheesy.

this entry is going nowhere so i might as well stop. :

2006-01-22T20:09:00.000+08:00

manny pacqiao is the shit!!! hahaha! i wonder... how much does he earn? $100000000 plus or more?! someone give me an answer, please!! :) waw, he's such a lucky guy... everyone in the Philippines knows him. i bet he's already more popular than GMA. =P

the moment he knocked morales down, my family (including me) went nuts! the moment he knocked morales down the second time, my family (including me) went ultimately crazy!! sheeet! we were all shouting and screaming "OOOH!!! YEAAA!!" and jumping at the same time. haha what a funny scene that must've been.

i want to be like him someday... filthy rich... and more popular than the President of the Philippines. hahaha.

2006-01-21T16:53:00.000+08:00

check out the glasses:

model: jb. wahahahaaaa! sineswerte yata to ngayon.

2006-01-21T15:52:00.000+08:00

my saturday morning = chaotic! tumultuous!!

i silently prayed for PEACE within my family at that time, but a noisier racket was what i got. oh well.

goodness. i woke up not knowing where to go... to camil's debut, to my brother's party, or to soccer training with grace's team. i decided to kick balls, but i suddenly realized that i left my spikes in the PE office! damn those naked boys who were the cause of that.

i want to get a LITTLE drunk tonight, so where else could i go for free without having to dress up? juanch's birthday party. hehehe.

hell week is over!!!!!!! THANK GOD!

2006-01-12T20:27:00.000+08:00

i have to print my first draft for english RIGHT NOW, but our printer fucked around with the wires. my dad's supposed to stop their fucking, but hello, where are you daddy? daddy's gone with mommy, maybe doing the same shit... KIDDING. what if my dad fails to fix our horny printer?! what am i going to do?? fuck with the computer chair??!

damn it. i'm not making any sense. ARGH!!! i hate this!!!

2006-01-01T01:17:00.000+08:00

i just read something about poverty and torture from Newsweek.

Asia is currently getting poorer and poorer, while other countries outside this continent are getting richer. damn, shouldn't it be the other way around?

torturing prisoners/captives as a process of interrogation for truth and justice is just inhumane. these are some of the illegal tortures being done on such prisoners: forced masturbation, "forced nakedness," pulling out of nails, exposure to phobias, prohibiting sleep, etc. now, what if some of these detainees are plain innocent? fuck all those cruel interrogators.

thoughts have been flooding my mind awhile ago (while in church)... thoughts on my past - my first year high school days; thoughts on getting my hair relaxed, or maybe not; thoughts on getting a wig, or maybe blue highlights; thoughts on my annoying bangles, on my annoying tummy; thoughts about the future, about shifting to UP Dil, about working for a teen magazine, about me and amor joining Meg, about shifting to Nursing for easy cash, about shifting to Business, about AB Psy as a safe course, about March 2, 2006, ... ARGH. i don't want to think anymore. it just screws up everything.

my family and i almost ended up spending the new year in our vehicle. hahaha. good thing we were able to rush through the firework-loaded streets safely. we arrived home at 12am sharp. YEAH.

i'm hoping, wishing for a happy 2006 celebration with my relatives later... please, creep into my bones... my mouth is craving for a warm smile; my heart, for laughter.

anyway, happy new year everyone! :O

2005-12-29T17:48:00.000+08:00

Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines by Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is shattered
And blue stars shiver in the distance'.

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through the nights like this one I held her in my arms.I kissed her over and over again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I did love her too.
How could I not have loved her great eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter if my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied because it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is no longer with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We both of that time are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's true, but how much I have loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s true, but maybe I do love her.
Love is so short and forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
My soul is not satisfied because it has lost her.

Though this is the last pain that she makes me suffer
And these the last verses I do write for her.

such a lovely poem by the renowned neruda.

haay. i'm so tired. i just came from a soccer thing with some teammates and mc people.

2005-12-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

an excerpt from my filipino journal, dated december 28, 2005:

ito ang pinakamalungkot na araw ngayong disyembre. pakiramdam ko, wala nang nagmamahal sa akin. pakiramdam ko, wala na akong kaibigan. hindi na rin nagpaparamdam si --.
masyadong malungkot ang araw na ito. gusto kong umiyak na lamang, ngunit ayaw kong makita ako ng aking mga mgaulang na umiiyak. pakikialaman na naman nila ako. haay. .....
nasaan ang aking mga kaibigan? alam kong mahal nila ako at nariyan lamang sila... ngunit, naiisip pa kaya nila ako? naaalala pa kaya nila ako? may halaga pa kaya ako sa kanila?
..... napakalungkot ko talaga ngayon. dahil dito, nawalan talaga ako ng ganang pumunta sa kaarawan ni patty. (maligayang kaarawan patty, pasensya na.)
haay. ang hindi pagpaparamdam ni -- ang tanging dahilan kung bakit ako nagkakaganito ngayon. nawala lamang siya, nawala na ang lahat.
.....

2005-12-28T15:19:00.000+08:00

kakatapos ko lang maglinis ng banyo. sobrang nakakadiri. pers taym ko, at sisiguraduhin kong huling beses na ring mangyayari ito.

napaka-walang kuwenta naman nito. tsk. as ip naman kasi may magbabasa ng bloga ko.

=D

2005-12-23T15:56:00.000+08:00

Block R09’s Christmas party turned out to be better than what I’ve expected!!! There were only 12 of us there, but it was actually more than enough to make the party super duper mega extra ultra uber merry!! Everything was PERFECT – the food, the drinks, the place, the music, and the people. Next week ulit ha!

So this is Christmas... I love it. :)

2005-12-22T12:00:00.000+08:00

SILENCE is to SECRECY and PRIVACY. To be MYSTERIOUS is nice. :)
The block (C1) Christmas party was fab. Another bonding moment, anyone? I love you all.

2005-12-17T16:43:00.000+08:00

time out muna sa hectic life ko. blog muna. hehehe =p

i'm really loving soccer right now. it's my only, my ONE AND ONLY, haha, stress reliever. also, my teammates and coach are just the BEST. laughing and kicking and laughing are our favorite hobbies. I LOVE YOU!!!

it's been a week (i think) since my birthday. THANKS FOR ALL WHO GREETED ME, FOR THOSE WHO CAME TO MY PARTY, FOR THOSE WHO GAVE ME GIFTS, FOR THOSE WHO HUGGED ME, KISSED ME, PINCHED ME, REMEMBERED ME, and FOR THOSE WHO PRAYED FOR ME. so how was my party? it was fun, really. :) the people i want to be there were there. also, jb surprised me with 18+1 roses with a message per rose. hahaha. i ended up crying. huhu. the only i hated was the fact that i didn't get the chance to taste the food, and that i got so wasted. imagine me vomiting in front of my parents?! blame it on the drinks. argh. i'm never drinking that much again. NEVER.. ? hehehe. argh!

SHIITTTTTT!! i'm 18 years old!!!

by the way, it makes me sad that some of my close friends didn't even bother to greet me. wtfff. or maybe they texted me in my old, "lost" number? er. whatever.

foker at caf uf is so pun. i suddenly hated my english topic - there's no turning back now...HELP. right now, poetry is wonderful, but complicated. chemistry is just plain chemistry. i'm slowly learning to use ateneo's rizal library. i missed the oblation run. mathematics is cruel. filipino is boring, but the prof isn't. my blockmates are really sexual - in a hilarious way. i've been craving for a "cafeteria spicy chiken yakisoba" since last week. jb's hair is growing longer and longer and longer. i want to change my blog layout. i want to talk with kay p. and sai and grace. I’m currently sick (colds, coughs). ANG DAMI KO PANG GUSTONG ISHARE PERO WAG NALANG... :P NAKAKATAMAD.

BADTRIP LAST NIGHT. i hated myself, i hated jb, and i hated the time. c'mon, everything was put to WASTE, to NOTHING. i badly wanted to be with THEM but i didn't get the chance to do so. FUCKN SHIT EVERYTHING. haay. sorry ben. sorry amor. sorry teddi. sorry everyone.

DISCIPLINE is what i need.
i thought i had it. tsk.

Okay, it’s time for me to go back to my note-taking shit.
After this, I’m gonna reward myself by going to kay’s for a Christmas karaoke reunion with high school friends. :)

2005-12-08T12:52:00.000+08:00

inuman kagabi after training at cha's house!!! 4 lang kami, biglaan kasi. me, k, juris, and cha. argh iba talaga gin. and may nadiscover ako - ang galing namen kumanta pag lasing.. with blending pa! o dba. hehehe =p

tale as old as time, true as it can be... barely even friends, barely even friends, barely even friends.

2005-12-03T15:45:00.000+08:00

BIRTHDAY/CHRISTMAS WISHLIST (since walang magawa sa SPEED table):

1. an introduction plus handshake with armo
2. acoustic nylon guitar
3. yellow chucks
4. cute school bag
5. labrador (pure)
6. Sally Hansen Hair Remover lotion for legs =P
7. cute boxers
8. stud earrings
9. leather soccer ball
10. new shirt from am. blvd or any shirt of that sort
11. DVD (white oleander or the pianist)
12. any music cd
13. black sporty shorts
14. 1 bottle of El Hombre
15. a research (full with proofs) that will support my stand in my arg. research paper, that
the two-child policy should be implemented in the Philippines
16. slippers/flipflops

YAHOO!!! :)

2005-11-30T15:48:00.000+08:00

i'm so fucked up on my argumentative research paper!! we actually haven't started doing it, yet here i am, getting all so anxious about it. i can already feel the PRESSURE!!! punyeta.

i'm supposed to be watching the sea games right now with my teammates, but laziness suddenly crept over me. i'm tired of watching others play football. all i want is me playing that game. i'm dying to kick those black-and-white balls again... right K? right?!

wait... I ALREADY HAVE A NEW NUMBER (my previous smart number)!!! YEY!! i dont want to post it here, comment nlng for you to have it. :)

and... 2 players from thailand took a picture with grace and i upon arriving at our seats in the sports center. BAKIT PA SILA NAGPAPAPICTURE SAMEN? WE ALL LOOK THE SAME ANYWAY. hahaha.

2005-11-28T01:29:00.000+08:00

NOV 27

astig!! new crush ko si CHAMP! only if he's playing the guitar or singing. or walking like a hot band member. hahaha labo.

nahawakan ko si champ sa arm and hand after they played sa concert tapos sabe ko "champ, nice" tapos kala ko hindi na sha titingin kasi crowded super kagulo. un pala tumingin pa! eye contact! sabe nya, "hey" or "thanks" at aun. astiiiigg!!!! :)

i was with my family and bene and some of my bro's friends sa admu batch ` 80 fundraising concert na un. i saw aiu pa! astig. hehehe. d ko lang maiwan mom ko nung start kasi malloner sha if i do. aww.

11 songs each, sugarfree and hale. whoaaaaaa... 11 songs!?

bangag nako shetters.

heheheheeeee...

2005-11-26T20:40:00.000+08:00

super saya ng week na to!! SUPER!! hahaha.

ano ba ung highlights?

ang bilis ng oras nung chem, well.. actually every chem ang bilis ng oras!!! :)

i watched the sea games (women's football, indonesia vs myanmar and phil vs thailand) with my teammates and with coach brax. sooooobrang saya talaga, as in, the best feeling in the world. haha labo. pero seryoso ang saya.

then nung friday training, the thailand team was practicing on the hs field! shempre we talked with their asst manager.. tapos took pictures with the team. sobrang saya!! may new friend ako, si anne. #4. hehehehe.. mga mukhang guys sila pero astig, below 19 yrs old silang lahat, accdg to the asst manager.

tapos debut ni sam. sobrang sabog esp. kia and reg. hahaha.. ang saya, some of my close hs friends were there too!! tapos regina and i slept over at kia's after. then the next day (today) direcho pampanga ako with family!! hilong-hilo ako. grabe.

:)

2005-11-21T21:46:00.000+08:00

this day felt so... stagnant? everything is mundane, you know.

nothing new, nothing to lighten my mood.

all is p-l-a-i-n. O-L-D. BORING.

i'm sick of going through my everyday routine.
i'm tired of dealing with (some) people who cannot just cater to my happiness and growth.

worse, i wasn't able to attend soccer training because of ..

good thing i ran into a high school friend in starbucks katipunan. the jovial mood buried in me suddenly "levitated." haha.

suppressed feelings - i hate it i hate it i hate it.

2005-11-20T20:06:00.000+08:00

long time!! hehehe.

a lot has been happening nowadays, i dont know where to start anymore...

i have chem for my natsci, and pe 101 for PE. duh, hehe. i have such great professors, really! okay, enough about acads..

the fun part is SOCCER and CAROLING!! mwf, same time. i go to the caroling practice first, then run to my soccer training. everything's so hectic mehn. hehehe.

harry potter..such an enthralling film. a lot went through puberty, which is a good thing. hahaha. waaah, cedric is so hot!! as well as hermione and flur!!! whoo! herms and flur - they're my lesby friends. hehehe JOKE. i was with my blockmates plus nj when i saw that movie..i had so much fun. wahaha ang jologs.

jb visited me here at home yesterday! woohoo, i had so much fun with him even for just a while. :) (yeahboy, special mention.)

i just came home from the RIFA festival!! my teammates plus coach brax are just the best, super duper. haha labo. i'm freakin exhausted mehn. i want to sleep right NOW.

2005-11-11T23:10:00.000+08:00

nawala phone ko.
nahulog sa trike.
now it's lost...duh.
so don't text me there na!!
si jb kasi! hehe joke lang!!! =p

i slept the whole day today, woke up at 3pm, took a bath, and went to school to play soccer. during the training, i noticed that i am not as agressive in playing as i was before.
why, mother?

then i ate at the good, old mcdonald's with jb, together with his blockmate, nico.
grace was supposed to be with us, but she was nowhere to be found, and there was no way i could text her.
damn that phone. why did it have to get lost anyway?

everythin went on well after that phone incident. i just laughed it all off with the guys.
thank goodness, i felt better afterwards.
let go, cam. let go. hehe.

2005-11-10T18:57:00.000+08:00

jb/bene looks like sir diwa in this pic!!

ate din's party. we're wasted, i guess.

i was in starbucks today with brucy. haha! i stayed in that smoke-filled place just for an hour, then went home at once with my mother.

i suddenly missed my starbucks mates. hehehee.

2005-11-08T15:30:00.000+08:00

i just visited greenhills last fri, and there i saw a huge array of tents with numerous "pocket-healthy" stuff for sale. when i came back today, the once-so-colorful tiangges were gone!! what the hell happened to them?! :(

anyway, i'm glad that i am finally done with my eye appointments. thank God. i was with my dad today, and we ended up eating lunch at Genji! hehe. both of us are suckers in ordering japanese food, but we ended up with delectable dishes anyway.

tomorrow is reg day already.. darn.. half of me doesn't want to go to school yet. haay.

happy birthday k! advanced happy birthday coach!

2005-11-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

i received my grades na!! ang taas! hahaha.. 3.06 qpi ko! tapos 2.5 lowest ko, which is fil. then ung math, lit, and english, 3. then ung ensci lec, 3.5. and ung ensci lab and p.e., 4!!! wooooohooo!! this sem sana 3.35 na qpi ko para DL na. tss. sana lang. pero si ben, DL! my gulay! kaya inaasar sha sa org as... hehehe QUIET na.

i was with my orgmates (amor, phish, ben, calvs, ericka, dex, alden, charmie, ac) the whole afternoon. tambay sa mateo then mcdo katips then metrowalk to buy dvds then house ni dex. so ako naman, nagwoworry na kng pano ko uuwi, kasi i suddenly remembered that i'm not supposed to wear contact lenses during the night. and bawal ako magpuyat tonight. kasi magpapacheck ako ng eyes tomorrow. buti nlng, naiwan ng school bus ung brother ni ericka so sumabay nako sa kanya on the way to ateneo! haha! bad trip nga lang, d ko natapos ung Exorcism of Emily Rose. bad trip talaga!! pero at least nakapag training ako with my pink jersey and pink socks. wahaha. good shot kay coach, yeah.

i saw nica and tippy na naman for the nth time in katipunan (actually all the time na ata..nakakasawa na!JOKE!!hahaha)..and sai and aiu and sam and friends. haha, ang kapal ng mukha ko, ako ung humingi ng invitation kay sam. kapal ko argh!! i remembered 4-4 tuloy, and nakakamiss na naman sila. grr.

ok so na-delete ung next paragraphs na ippost ko dito. fckkkk...

(edited)

okay. eto na. hm. nagsuka ako for the 2nd time in my whole life nung birthday ng cousin ko, si ate din. HAPPY BDAY!! hhe. grabe 2nd time na. wahaha. masaya naman, excpt ung feeling na masusuka ka na. grr yoko na uminom! pero ang saya talaga! sleepover pa! then nung saturday, we ended up doing NOTHING. tamad day. ung nagbrighten-up lang ng day ko, nung kumain ung familia at sr thai sa katips. first time ko. sarrraap! hehe.. ano ba yan. =D

then nung sunday, game namen against ateneo team a!! improving ung team namen kasi ang small lang ng score! :) yea boy! jb watched my game, then we ate at red ribbon, ung favorite kainan ng mga nanay. hahahaha. by the way, nung time na un, yagit daw ako because of my shorts. nyehehe. lul. at least improving. hehe.

un lang. heheheeeee =D

2005-11-02T17:18:00.000+08:00

* "life is a movie written, produced, directed by God and played by your part. it is a one-take movie so play your part as if it is your first take. it doesn't have any cuts - you will see it with its painful moments, unbelievable footages... so take a moment to step backward and look at the whole scene. at the end, you will be the one watching it so make sure you'll do your best to make it a blockbuster."

* i'm really really bored.

* last night, i cried. ***********************************

2005-10-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

ang saya ko!!! ang saya! hahaha...

pero kahit MALABO ung Hide and Seek, ok lang!

happy pa rin!

:D

2005-10-30T19:50:00.000+08:00

I'M WISHING FOR...
(boredom kills.)
...someone who can sing One Slow Dance (by Rufio) with me.
...world peace.
...extra money - to be able to treat my friends some orig CDs or pizza; to be able to treat my family to an all-expense paid shopping spree.
...a trip to Europe.
...our friendship to be like before.
...a new phone.
...a labrador.
...beckham's football skills.
...jb's guitar skills.
...happiness.

flash report:
bene and i went out last friday.
we had our trick or treat yesterday.
my tita's gona sleep in our house today.

that's all.

2005-10-28T23:26:00.000+08:00

SH*T!
oct.28, 12.30am

i'm sleepy, and i desperately want to sleep now - but i can't. my mind has been up, thinking about certain things which i'd rather not mention here. i'm so unpredictable, argh!! i can't fuckin answer a direct question!!

my eyebags are at its worst, as well as my face. i have been cranky, snobbish, and irritable because of my late-night sleeping sched. argh!! tonight, i want to sleep and rejuvenate myself but i can't!

right now, my mind's so preoccupied that i really don't care about anything at all.

hopefully, tomorrow, i will be able to come up with a sure answer.

2005-10-28T11:25:00.000+08:00

kasama ko sina athena and katz and austine and jb kahapon! ang saya!

first, nasa katip kami. then we visited MC. astig na ung clinic!!! hahaha.. tapos nagreminisce kami ni katz sa beds. laughtrip mehn! tapos pumunta na kami sa house ni athena.

tawa lang kami ng tawa. nandun din ung long lost austin chan. hahaha.. tapos, parang may hulog ng langit... kasi may baraha!!!! yahoo! pusoy dos ung game then 123 pass. natalo ako once sa 123 pass. sa pusoy dos, winner kmi ni jb sa first round. badtrip ang aga ko sinundo. grr.

d ko tuloy naabutan si conyotic alexine. nyeee..

nakakatawa mehn sobra!! LAUGHTRIP!!!!!!

cancelled na naman ung class thing later! punyeta. hahaha. pero ok lang. pupunta ko later sa bahay ni ericka! movie marathon daw. sana payagan ako kasi badshot ako kay pa ngaun. and sana may transpo ako dba.. wahuhu.

2005-10-26T11:44:00.000+08:00

* i had the most scrumptious dinner last night!! sarap! super! isa pang birthday jan tita!! :)

* i was with my cousins last night. being with them is like, um.. ecstacy. wahaha. seriously. i really really love them.

* later, i'm goin OUT! yeah! haha. no more bumming baby! it's time to burn my fats. wahehe as if i have fats. tsk. badtrip. gusto ko tumaba pero ayoko ng cellulites. labo! anyway, i'm goin to see my long-lost teammates and coach! wuhoo, coach bought us new pink and orange jerseys from thailand (or taiwan?!) . i can't wait!! yey!

* by the way highway, i have a policy right now, which i got from katz. it's called the NLP, or NO LOVE POLICY. i want to have "gago FUN" first. cmon, with love comes sacrifice and pain. i'm too young for sacrifices, and i'm sick and tired of heartbreaks. hanggang LIKES and CRUSHES nlng muna! walang seryosohan! (haha, doesn't sound good. wtf.) wait for me armo, okay? WEH. hahahaha nangarap.

* i hate a certain someone! she committed a crime against her very uber super duper (WAHAHA!) close friend/kabarkada. she (somehow) "left" her very uber super duper (WAHAHA!) special someone for another guy. she didn't even apologize or explain her wrongdoings to her very uber super duper close friend/kabarkada! well, she did, pero sa letter lang and text. can't she talk?! duuh, there's this thing called a telephone. hahaha. scared. guilty. (bato bato sa langit, tamaan ay wag magalit. and if may natatamaan, dont worry, hindi ikaw toh. pero wait..kung natamaan ka, edi.. GUILTY KA!! hahaha.)

i'm not dwelling on the past, okay? this just shows how grave your wrongdoings are. this just shows how much I HATE YOU. b*tch.

woah im so bad. sorry sa lahat. hehe... so bad. sorry God. naglabas lang po ng sama ng loob. kasi kawawa naman si sai. hahaha... labo.

2005-10-24T17:36:00.000+08:00

fri-sun at baguio with SPEED

good thing i pushed thru in going with my org to baguio for the EvSem! it was really really FUN!! the people were all so friendly and hilarious. besides from my newfound friends, i now know how to play pusoy dos and poker (and taboo and pictionary)!! i cant wait for classes to begin...i'm finally goin to be able to join my blockmates play pusoy. wahaha!! YEAH! i had winning (and losing) streaks with expert pusoy dos and poker players. oh yeah! ka-adik! besides that, we had meetings, drinking sessions, and tours around session road, minesview park, and SM baguio. damn it, walang aircon sa SM! but it was still so cool inside. a lot happened pa.. as much as i want to type it all here, i won't. i'm uber lazy today. haha. basta my friday-sunday baguio thing was super, extra, duper fun.. :)

and, ya, we saw cara there!! what a coincidence.

nuts
nuts shuttle
erection
boy tupe
ben baraha
slit - clit
big bird
reccuring pattern
pusoy
poker
all in
toasted mallows
fireplace
mr. clean
keep it low
gusto mong malaman
estroscas
mommy
corn
insulto
cold water
winning streaks
losing streaks
tables at chowking
chili sauce
videoke
donuts
cotton candy
body shop
never ever have i ever
name mix-up's
jerbaks
penetrator
when the going gets hot
supot

shet... haha. hangover.

2005-10-19T11:34:00.000+08:00

ang labo labo labo labo laboooo... i finally told him my side already.. so aun. tapos ngaun namimiss ko sha. pero i'm clear on my side ah.

teka nga. i'll edit this later. aalis ako.

2005-10-19T11:18:00.000+08:00

YESTERDAY:

We rode two trains going to UP Manila. The second train we rode was ancient, compared to that in Katipunan. Hehe. Sorry, first time! After seeing Grace’s university (uy, haha), we headed to DLSU. We rode a jeep, not knowing where we will end up. Good thing I saw Cello’s!! That gave me the hint that we were nearing DLSU already. I desperately wanted to go see the insides of that school, so I told a pathetic lie/excuse to the lady guard. Sablay. Argh.. Haha. Jb then came to meet us in the south gate. He’s so cute! He was wearing a cap, and he has art stuff on his hands! We all ate at Pizza Hut, and I’m telling you, I really enjoyed their service!! Hands down!! Hahaha. I saw Ruja, Eddie, Jicko, Che, … shit damn it I miss my high school friends!!!

After, Grace and I headed to Divisoria 168. We rode a jeep, not knowing where we shall go down – again. Haha. Bahala na. Anyway, we were supposed to buy stuff for our “business,” but we ended up buying things for ourselves. Shopping na lang eh.. :)

Then we went to Joan’s party (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!), and again, we didn’t know where we were heading. But we found our way anyway…that’s how good we are. Haha. We were there with the 4-5 people… I had fun, really. We were being forced to drink san mig, ahem, pale pilsen, before eating dinner. Pale pilsen, musta ka naman jan. Hahaha. Being around knollers feels really different, you know. It’s far more different than being with my college friends.

I miss high school.

2005-10-16T21:08:00.000+08:00

40 year old virgin - really hilarious!! hahaha!! you GUYS must see it.. it's considered as a "guy movie," but i found it really entertaining. i watched it with my blockmates at gateway last thursday, which made it all the more funny. grabe there were a lot of ateneans in gateway during that time!!!! what can i say...SEM BREAK NA EH. haha!

C+ - this is 90% of my grade in filipino 11. damn it! never did i get a grade better than C+ in this subject... it's just so freakin haaaard. sharing...

game in UST - the ref almost decided to call the game a default... long story... nakakawalang-gana na tuloy. goodness, i played under the scorching heat of the sun from 1pm-3pm, ksi konti lang kami so walang substitutions!!! it was the most horrible game i've ever taken part in. it was like slavery bez. slavery... haay. but coach said, "guys, look. you're sacrificing for ateneo. o dba." yeah, hehe.. onga naman. after that, we took a bath in the shower rooms without curtains. haha! kay was the most resourceful among us, for she used her towels and jacket as a curtain. haha! sayang, the "apple" plan didn't push thru... then i met jb na, and saw clarice and noe!!! gosh i missed them so much! we stayed together for a while then left for katip na. aww.. God, i missed all the laughter we used to share...

bene's birthday - super fun! on our way to katips from ust, all i wanted to do was to sleep...but i can't!! ang kulit kasi ng kasama ko! hahaha.. even his silence was makulit! haha! too bad he wasn't able to see Pegasus. ang kulit kasi. beh! then we ate at TOSH. (yeah boy, haha, 4th yr days.) it was my first time, and the pasta was really good (esp the carbonara!!). then we picked up the food and went to "the venue." hahaha. ang ganda ng bahay! i was all alone with 9 lasalistas.. shempre o.p. ako, blockmates niya lahat un. pero hindi ako na o.p. labo! haha. they were all so FUNNY and GAGO and most specially, GREEN. green mehn, superr.. haha. mas tumawa ako than nagsalita... yey, that's good for the abs dba? feeling may abs ampucha. basta ang laughtrip!!!

sunday - went to mass early with familia at UP church. my ES blockmate, feng shui, was one of the "servers?" in mass! i was so surprised! hehe. then we ate at Alex III, then went home. i slept until 6pm because my body was really aching (top to bottom bez. ouch.) lalung sharing..

2005-10-13T22:06:00.000+08:00

Big Brother, on their 28th day:

from these pics, i can say that i really abhor this show (even if i haven't watched an episode of it yet).

this tv show is so pathetic. sorry, but it really annoys and disgusts me. (especially their theme song, which is being played in mcdo katips non-stop.) i mean, duh. what the hell?

these people are already crossing the border between humans and animals... why do it in national television?! GET A ROOM!!! have pity on those who still do not know the implications of sex and all this malice & filth.

sht. nasisira na talaga ang metanarratives ng media at relihiyon.

2005-10-12T17:52:00.000+08:00

it's over baby!! WOOHOO!!!! this is it - sem break naaaaa!!!!!! (well, fil reporting nlang tomorrow, but what the hell, we're just gona sit and present them our video presentation.) yeaaa!

i have nothing to think about anymore (regarding academics)...whoa how great is that?! THIS IS ECSTACY MEHN!! haha! this is the great part - i'm exempted in ES! there's no need to study the WHOLE book anymore. thank You GOD!

anyway, there was a mother with her baby beside me awhile ago.. the baby was so tiny and her (lets say the baby was a girl. well, she looks like it.) eyes, nose, and lips were microsopic. everything about her was so minute and PURE. her skin is white like that of our perception of an angel's. it was also free of any spot, white head, black head, whatever head... flawless, in other words. her lips are so pink, and still obviously clean from the harsh effects of nicotine. damn that baby was so cute!! my heart softened the moment her huge, round eyes stared at mine. her eyes were full of unknown expression, unspeakable words. my eyes wanted to shed out tears the moment she wet and bit her lips, for that action was so cute and inconceivable. that was my first time to actually see a (?)month-old baby do that! i suddenly wanted to have one of my own... hehe. the feeling of motherhood suddenly crept upon me, and instantly, i felt the love her mother has for her. a baby's face so close to mine is just like staring into the epitome of real, natural beauty. haay... an angel sent from above. nyek.. haha!

by the way marcos highway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GRACE (11), RUJA (12), AND BENE (15)!

2005-10-10T11:23:00.000+08:00

fuck mother earth (sorry mother earth)! i'm super duper sick and tired of MATH. i've been studying for 3 hours straight, and i can't take it anymore. pakshit. tomorrow, i'm goin to cram for our lit finals... ehehe, cramming as usual.

bene visited last friday! we ate at cello's then he watched me train then we went to mcdo to do this ques-ans thing. hahaha.. then he brought me home. grabe! it took us about 50 minutes to find something to ride! hahaaaa. super fun. :)

i was with my cousins yesterday (not much of a data..haha). oh yeah, congrats to sai for being the uaap women's rookie of the year!! yey!

"If we cannot live entirely like human beings, at least let us do everything in our power not to live entirely like animals." -from Blindness by Jose Saramago

currently feeling: very very sabaw na mababaw... :)

2005-10-04T21:07:00.000+08:00

2005-10-02T19:38:00.000+08:00

"As we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Cruz, in Coach Carter

Yeah, it's true. You shine and succeed not only for your own but for others as well. Sharing.. :)

2005-09-28T22:00:00.000+08:00

ang saya mag football!! :) super putik! oh yea!

grabe ang dami ko palang kailangan gawin. kanina, gusto ko mag-aral pero wala akong maaral...un pala, next week due lahat ng papers and projects and long tests all that shit. hell week grabe!

wala lang. hehehe.

2005-09-27T14:02:00.000+08:00

bad trip, hindi yata pwede gawin private ung posts dito sa blogspot. sayang!! hm. i'll be discreet as possible nlng.

hm. natry ko na mapunta sa living hell. as in, hell mehn. ang sakit masunog! ang hirap pa mag-breathe because of the plastics and everything. tapos kung ano-ano pa maririnig mo, nakakabingi grabe. parang gusto mo na maging good girl ulit pero whatever you do ayaw talaga. haha! mixed emotions ka ba? buti nlng may fellow friends were with me in my "hell". ang saya!

musta ka naman, champions kami nung futsal finals. go RED! tapos, the unbelievable happened. mvp ako! may trophy nako, YEY! i can die now. yipee. tapos nung game namen nung hapon vs alumnae, naka 1 goal ung team namen. YEY! go vanessa! shoeshine.. pero tambak kami, pucha, alumni ba naman. hehe. tapos si bene nagvisit. basta ang saya.

2 days na ako LSS sa song na In This Diary by Ataris. sharing... yuck ang blank ng feelings ko ngayon. nabuhos lahat sa fil LT. tangina yan, naging totoo dream ko about that fffn long test.

lapit na mag finals... and then, SEM BREAK!!

"the more you hate, the less you love, the more you hate." yehey.

2005-09-18T15:09:00.000+08:00

i'm finally done with my filipino reaction paper, my filipino short paper, and my ES "cradle to grave" paper!! it's time to celebrate and buy some spikes!!! yea! =) haha, that i'm goin to do after studying the identity of the "unknown" old woman in Blindness (lit). tss, EPAL. (aw, i can't help but think of chik, my blockmate, when encountering the word "epal"...yeee!)

enuf about the schoolwork. let me share somethin about my life, okay? read it, if you dont mind. ((it feels so goood to type with the keyboard i'm pressing on right now!!))

* have i shared that bene and i crossed aurora blvd while SKIPPING LIKE RETARDED KIDS?? haha, our arms were crossed, our chins were up (proud, eh) and we had these huge backpacks strapped behind us while skipping, with our smiles so huge that it could've caused a clown to lose his job! wahaha it was sooo fun!

* ateneo lost. booo. well, basketball is not all we have. hehehe, bitter. joke lang ha. :) win or lose, it's the school we choose. (yeah right, i was cursing ateneo during the 3rd/4th quarter..haha, some atenean e?)

* i had a bonding session together with some speples last fri. we threw away some money in cantina (dammit), then headed to drews. SECRETS WERE REVEALED... hehehe. i was home at an early time, arouund 930pm. it was fun, though. it really brightened up my week. haha!

* our game against feu was cancelled yesterday! yea, YEAH!! hahaha. bene and i checked out spikes in those shops outside club 650. i ended up buying nothing. damn those sizes. (by the way highway, nasiraan ung jeep na sinakyan namen!! haha!! 1st time pa naman din!)

* i'm SICK. i have these intense colds and coughs with phlegm. ((i really suck in spitting out phlegm..sharing.)) i'm not drinking any medicine for this to subside because i want to retain my rusty voice. i wanna be paos for the rest of my life!!!

okay, that's about it. my mum's shouting at me again.. hehe.
thank you for not minding at all :)

2005-09-13T19:53:00.000+08:00

soccer is not fun when you're LIMITED in using your right foot. the pain, it just won't go away!! hehe. bad trip! makulit ako e, i still play even if i should not. =p but who cares. i still have my teammates. love you guys.

by the way, the loyola mountaineers' board made my day!! i was gagging over their pictures, specifically thera's. they look so so so funny and hilarious!!! hahahaha!!! better check it out. really CUTE!

i was able to buy tickets for the admu-dlsu game on thursday!! i can;t wait!! i'm finally going to be able to feel what's it like to be an atenean cheering for ateneo. haha. before, feeling atenista lang e. now, it's the REAL THING!! ANIMO ATENEO!!! =) ...not everyone can get in here... haha joke. sorry, it's the shirt guys. LA SALLE - BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE CAN GET INTO THE ATENEO. aww how harsh.

i'm supposed to read AND finish a novel by tonight. ARGH!! good luck to me. good thing i'm already done with my ES lab rep, ES lab oral rep, ES IP reporting, and math lt. phew!

i wana be haaaaappy...!! =)
PUMP UP THE SPIRITS!!! YEA YEAY YEA YEAH YEAAAAH!!!!

2005-09-11T12:12:00.000+08:00

my family is watching the manny pacquiao boxing match right now. i don't feel like joining them cuz my mind's preoccupied with a LOT of stuff about school, toot, and soccer.

it's time to face the truth i will never be with you :( inggit na inggit na inggit na inggit ako.

2005-09-08T09:25:00.000+08:00

i'm literally trembling right now. i feel like crying and breaking outtt............

help??

2005-09-07T19:28:00.000+08:00

SUNDAY

my dream last night was all about them, and it was NOT NICE. not nice. totally NOT! hehehe... i guess the bitterness is still in here. it's so hard, SO HARD, to get it out of me. i want to be free of such feelings but i guess it'll take time for that to be possible. oh well taco bell. hahaha!! bene corny!!!

fuck! i'm so lazy that i can't study even if i want to! tomorrow's monday and i haven't done anything productive yet... mehn... :/

RANDOM QUOTE: you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - dr. Seuss :)

MONDAY

putang inang kompyuter!! nagka-virus just when i needed it the most!!! pati internet connection, naccut every one minute. musta nka naman juhn!? sira floppy A, sira printer. so ano na?! ano nang silbe ng pinaggagawa at pinaghihirapan ko ngayon?! putang ina!!!! nakakapikon punyeta!!! FUUUUCK!!! AKSDFJ askl;fevugniOP!!!

WEDNESDAY

i wasn't able to go to the ampromo GA. inaantok na kasi ako. sobra. SAYANG... :(

2005-09-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

My injury, which was already saying “bye bye,” is once again saying “hello, I’m back! You won’t be able to play tomorrow against st. scho.. bwahahaha!” shit it damn sucks!!! I felt really really down and pissed the moment van’s foot came in an intense, nerve-wrecking contact with my injury (she kicks really hard you know). So much for my excitement. Darn!! Putang ina!! I won’t be able to play for 2 weeks!! ARGH!! This really sucks. A sprained kicking foot during the mmgfa season is NOT nice… argh I’m so frustrated!! when will i ever get to compete against other schools?! pa-experience naman oh... hehe.

due to this, i wasn't able to go to my cousin's affair. i wasnt able to see kuya glen's girlfriend. i wasn't able to enjoy the bonding moments with my teammates after training. WAHUHU!! i left at once.. i dont want them to see me CRY. haha, i know you guys can keep a secret. ssshhh. oh what a shame.

good thing bene was there!! thanks so much! hehe. you saved me from humiliation and pain and sadness!! nyek. hahaha. thank you. by the way,next time, please don't bring out something from a store without paying for it yet, okay? you'll end up ringing the buzzer.. THIEF THIEF!! (inside) joke.. haha.

huhu. i'm still in grief. aww mehn. i talked to grace and mike when i got home. thank goodness, i felt better afterwards (or was it because of the shower i had?) nevermind. all felt good anyway :) REALLY.

about the "issue". hm. i feel okay about it. i don't really care anymore.. I'M HAPPY AS LONG AS HE IS HAPPY. the bitterness (on the issue and on her) somehow faded a bit already.. damn mike's words are so powerful. joke! hehe.. there's always room for forgiveness and understanding in my heart. wushoo..hehe.

to all of her (our) friends, um, please get to know both sides first before judging and hating okay... :) or better yet, don't judge and hate at all. (wow, for the first time, i'm actually being nice to her and to him and to this fffckn issue. i want everything to be okay for the two sides na. promise.) forget everything, eradicate the hatred from your deepest emotions, and love again. peace on earth mehn - that's everything i want. yea, cam for miss universe.

wish our team all the luck for tomorrowand for the other games to come!! please! we'll be needing it BIG TIME. =p thanks.

2005-08-30T14:50:00.001+08:00

1. omg (nyak, hahaha!). ang dami ko nang armo days. sorry, sorry na! haha! buti talaga ateneo ako, and NOT dlsu. right, right?! matamaan na ang matamaan. beh =p buti nga. mabulok kayo jan. hahaha, kidding. nga pala, si hypocrite oh, ang panget. haha! =p feeling ko ang sama ko! oh well magic spell, how can i be rational about it? help me armo. wahahaha!

2. i saw a man lying dead on the sidestreet of marcos highway, his face painted with blood. a crowd was gathered around him, fussing about what happened, who did this and that... turned out that the man was a hold-upper!! mehn. keep safe guys.

real beauty is effortless. :)

2005-08-25T15:26:00.000+08:00

for the first time in college, i...
did it in the c.r. --> para sa marurumi ang isip: hindi masturbate yan ha!
didn't study for a long test
had a sprain
had my right contacts roll behind my eye
bought my own pack
received a grade of D
played counter-strike (after such a long time!)
__________ (i'm a humble person. yes yes, thank you. hahaha)
__________ (i'm so humble!! hahaha)

sharing!! hehe. grace is gonna come over today!! can't wait!

i really don't feel at home in the college infirmary. the hs clinic is what i consider the most fantastic clinic ever. hahaha!! i miss tita nurse bing, athena, the beds, 4-4!!! so much memories were left behind that white-walled room... i miss high school. tangina naman yan o...

2005-08-18T23:04:00.000+08:00

thanks sa cousin ni bene!! napaisip ako... na.. why can't i be that happy again?! kasi ung cousin nya, si celine, ang hyper! na-miss ko tuloy maging ganun. para bang, nung nawala ung high school, nung inatake ako ng kung anoanong problems, nag-iba ako. tapos, ngayon, pucha pwede pa rin naman ako maging happy person dba? as in, happy talaga..ung hindi plastic na happy. whoaaaa. thanks!!

2005-08-18T12:42:00.000+08:00

as i inhaled air of dust, smoke, and pollution, anxiety and pressure started to build up on me. i suddenly realized that college is college. during my first weeks in admu, i was so laid-back and carefree, enjoying every second of my breaks and free times. but, BUT, as the weeks turned to months, my carefreeness was lashed out by paranoia and stress. man, what hell have i entered into?!

wtf, it's okay. it's going to be all right. haha.. i just have to stop being this irritating pessimist. count the good times, forget the bad times. work hard, party harder!!!

2005-08-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

i think about you and i dream about you all the time..
i'm here without you baby,
you're still with me in my dreams...

it just gets harder everyday.
i'm sorry. i miss you.

2005-08-11T17:17:00.000+08:00

a college freshman named cole* has been battling with life these past few days. here's her story.

cole vs time
"monday sucks" - the perfect line to describe her innermost contempt against that day. such hatred for monday, e? well, she left her parafernalia for ES lab at home, so she braved the rains and the traffic just to be able to get her stuff, thinking that this will please her very strict prof. cole was against time, for she only had 1 hour to accomplish such task - of eating lunch and commuting from ateneo to antipolo back to ateneo, with the rain, traffic, and all those hasslepuffs (weh). she was late by 30 minutes, but her prof didn't notice due to the fact that her prof was somewhere getting water samples! hardwork indeed reaps rewards.

cole vs destiny
cole wouldn't die if destiny wouldn't allow her to. what's with this? she slipped three times (at petron, at SEC, at the pedestrian lane) and she was almost hit by a car. it all happened in one day - yes, monday.

cole vs affection
she keeps her feelings and her true self from her family. why does it have to be like that for her? she once told me that she feels trapped once she is at home with her parents, for she really can't be and she really can't show her other side. truly, this leads to the loss of affection between cole and her mom, dad, and brothers. once, her younger brother, who was off to germany, surprised her with a goodbye note, which was simply designed with red and green pentel pens. she was so touched by this sweet and thoughtful act that it made her cry. her heart brought out emotions of sadness, for she was longing for openness, warmth, and affection within her brother (and her family)... why? because she loves them so much.

* name changed for privacy's sake

2005-08-07T00:34:00.000+08:00

it's 12:30 am!!!

i went to the wake of sen. raul roco at the spur of the moment awhile ago. kay, ven, ruja and tippy were there too. nica, condolence. kaya natin to =) too bad i wasn't able to eat. hehe joke lang. i really loved the bibingka. ganito kasi yan. we were saying goodbye to nica when i saw the food. i wasn't able to resist the bibingka so i got one and left after taking 2 bites..para hindi mukhang eat and run. hehe. tawa na tayo nica ha!!

another blooper happened! i'm goin to post this here due to special request. hahaha. kay and i were looking for a trike outside dela strada church. we can't find one, and it was raining pa. so we walked until we finally decided to jaywalk. haha! a pack of people suddenly began to jaywalk, so we decided to blend in with them. then kay exclaimed, "AY SLIPPERS KO!!" wahaha naiwan slippers nya sa gitna ng daan! natanggal sa paa niya!! binalikan pa niya sa gitna ng road! katawa grabe!! my 2nd genuine laugh!! (1st sa bibingka)

we headed to seattle's after that. as usual, we talked about stuff. everything's changing... hehe. then i went to visit my grandparents. they'll be departing for canada next sunday. aww. when will i ever see them again? in the year 2010?! how i wish they could just live here with us...

sai! bakit tulog ka na?! pumunta kami jan sa house mo ha, tulog ka na! oh well. good luck sa game mo tomorrow.

that's about it. =p hehe. lalang.

RANDOM FACT.
WHAT IS AN INCUBUS? an incubus is a demon which assumes male form and lies on people (usually women) and has sexual intercourse with them in their sleep. the female version of an incubus is a succubus.

2005-08-06T11:49:00.000+08:00

in this life where unexpected chain of events happen, ecstasy or agony may reign. thankfully, i'm in the middle. to tell you the truth, my wheels are turning now, bringing me close to the top. to the zenith of rhapsodies i shall come!

* quitting indeed brought wonders to my soccer life! i'm clean, and it feels damn good.
* 71/80 in my ES LT - oh my gosh!!! this is so not me.
* charlie and the chocolate factory + the eye infinity = ewan. HAHAHA! bene!
* sorry grace... i'll make it up to you next time. free lunch, you want? =p
* condolence to nica roco...

this weekend, i shall STUDY!! i'm goin to make it up to the days where i did nothing but to sleep and hang out.

2005-08-01T20:15:00.000+08:00

"grace simbulan: kung bumalik siya, then you're meant to be.. kung hindi.. marami namang ibang fish sa pond eh" - hahaha!! that made me SMILE. you're the best grace. loveyou.

i was searching for the tabs of broken sonnet in ultimate-guitar.com awhile ago. instead of typing "broken sonnet" in the search box, i absent-mindedly typed "balisong". shocks what's happening to me?! balisong was a part of our songs before... memories keep on flooding my mind... damn this is fucking hard.

2005-08-01T18:26:00.000+08:00

we're done with our investigatory project proposal!! oh yes! verne, chik, and i did it awhile ago at chik's dorm (eliazo). i didn't thought it would be that FAST!

anyway, a lot happened last week.
*i got a D on my 1st math long test.
*i realized that i really want to improve on soccer...so that means that i really have to quit smoking.
*i finally got the number. #10!! oh yeah! thanks cha!
*bene and i made tambay at katips.
*my blockmates and i went to janeh's house. watched shutter and everybody has secrets. sobrang saya!! kagulo!!! then we watched the entablado play. and filled our stomachs at shakey's.
*i had two family reunions. one nung saturday. the other one nung sunday.

haaay. i don't know what to do with my life anymore. things didn't turn out to be what we expected it to be. i have lots of regrets... fuck. FUCK. i feel so wrong and hopeless. i want to die...

2005-07-31T12:13:00.000+08:00

so you sailed away
into a gray sky morning
...
so you stole my world
now i'm just a phony
remembering the guy
leaves me down and lonely
...
it may take some time
to patch me up inside
but i can't take it
so i run away and hide
...
you're just the best i ever had

:(

2005-07-30T15:21:00.000+08:00

my heart is still weeping. the thorns are still there, causing it to bleed with tears. these hurtful thorns, threatening to crush even the most sensitive part of my heart, seem to be growing sharper everyday...

stop the drama! ENOUGH!!

hahaha...

so help me God.
HEEEELP...
i need an inspiration to get this over with.
wahahaha!

2005-07-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

last friday, after training, i met up with my friend. we talked about life, mainly about the most recent issue that has been flooding our minds right now. because of that, we weren't able to enjoy our food at world topps!! aha, a cause of feeling dejected. we headed to mcdo after to hang out and kill time. it's better to be in a clean place than to be in a place where smoking and drinking are present. imagine us in a coffeehouse/drinkinghouse - we'd probably be drowning ourselves with liquor and cigarettes. aha, the effects of depression. instead of going bad, we went on with being CLEAN. that was such a fulfillment for me!! i was really tired and sort of sad during that time, but my friend made me forget that...and it made me happy. thanks. =)

yesterday, i was in che's party at discovery suites. it felt really good to be around the people --- to be continued. sorry, i'm really tired. sweet dreams.

haha comedy amp.

2005-07-23T18:16:00.000+08:00

i'm currently at athena's place right now with katz and athena of course! we're goin to che's party at discovery suites. yehey.

kakatapos lang ng GA sa SPEED, ang saya!! sobra. sobra..... happy!! hahaha labo, basta i found it really fun. yellow cab pa food namen, eat all you can. haha! ang saya!

sana later masaya rin. d ko pa alam kng pano ako uuwi. good luck to me =p

2005-07-21T16:58:00.000+08:00

soccer is beginning to hate me. these past few days, i failed to play well no matter how hard i tried. argh i'm beginning to feel like such a disappointment to everyone. =/

the math long test was really mind-boggling! i don't know what happened to me while answering the test. i guess i was just so nervous, knowing that this is my first long test in ateneo. i was also nervous due to the fact that i didn't study the word problems part... i signed up and created my multiply instead (until 1am)!! hahaha.

i love my friends so much. they're the reason for my wellness right now. really... by the way, i saw micay yesterday at mcdo!! as well as grace!! i miss my high school friends.. dammit!! reunion naman jan!

i can't wait for tomorrow to come!! =)

2005-07-17T21:53:00.000+08:00

there was a rat in my bathroom!! i was frantically trying to open the door while screaming my lungs out. the rat, on the other hand, was moving all over the bathroom, as scared as i was. i learned a valuable lesson tonight, and that is to avoid throwing food wastes in my bathroom's trash can. bwahaha!
----------------------------------------------------------------
june 1, 2005
i composed a song for you
when everything was still okay
made you all sorts of cards
during our special days
sang to you on the phone
with my hands on the guitar
spared hours texting you
on days when i'm afar
held your hand tightly
when feeling damn scared
massaged your head and back
during tiring moments we've shared
loved you so dearly
like you're my only friend
now loving you so deeply
not knowing when it will end...
:'(
-cam

june 8, 2005
it's 8 pm on a wednesday evening.
i'm lying here on my bed,
feeling the cool embrace the rainhas left me.
my heart begins to open,
letting out the feelings trapped inside.
tears begin to well in my eyes..
a lump begins to form in my throat..
every memory about our past
reveals itself.
the blissful emotions dominate
my entire being.
the relationship we had
brings me to this feeling,
that i miss you, i miss us.
i miss your warmth,
your sweet embrace,
your loving.
the rain has poured back our moments...
captivating.
indescribable.
i just miss them,
oh so much...
-cam

june 10, 2005
the tune i'm hearing
this early evening
slows down my time.
every note, every word
sinks deeply in my mind
burns heavily in my heart
for you are not here now..
not even a whisper,
nor your scent, nor your touch.
feeling all alone and incomplete
without your embrace...
even the sky tells me that.
no stars can be seen.
not a hint of moonlight
from the black, dark sky.

now is not the time,
that i can tell.
still, here i am,
wishing we'll be together
praying that all this will pass.
waiting for the perfect moment
to reunite in a different setting
where music speaks,
where stars shine,
where love soars.
-cam

june 12, 2005
this, you may not know
that i'm here, still here
living for you
that my breathing, my sighing
is still because of you
that my blood, my skin, my heart
all belongs to you
you may not know this
not even a bit
you may think it's all over
but it never will be
this you may not know
that forever you'll stay
in my heart, in my being
in the depths of my
thinking and feelings
every parcel of memory
will be kept in me so deeply
you may not know this
not even a bit
you may think it's all over
but it never will be
through the vastness of eternity
it never will be
-cam

EVERY BIT OF MY HOPE IS SHATTERED. THE CHANCE I'VE BEEN HOLDING ON TO IS NOW GONE. EVERYTHING FADED AWAY, LEAVING NOTHING BUT DARKNESS IN THIS ABYSS I'M LIVING IN RIGHT NOW. HE LOVES HER MORE... THE PAIN IN KNOWING THAT IS JUST SO DEEP. IT BURNED A WHOLE IN MY HEART. NOW, I'M GOING TO MOVE ON AND LEAVE MY PAST BEHIND...

2005-07-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

i'm too lazy to do my schoolwork...i can't even concentrate on it!! WHY??! certain events have been flooding my mind right now. i just can't stop thinking about it, about them..how all of these came to be, and what's going to happen in the months to come. i want to know every bit of secret being kept from me by the people i used to trust the most. you know what, i have been receiving little pieces of information everyday from my trusted friends, and that makes me hate the two of you more.

dammit!

don't worry girl 1 and guy 1. by next week (after his birthday), i won't be bothering you anymore. long live the lasalitas!!

hahaha. see you all on wednesday!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C1, MY BLOCKMATES!!

aldric's party. (L-R: calves, ben, aldric, jc, mary, chik, chris, shaan, cam)

aldric's party. (L-R, TOP: calves, aldric. L-R, BOTTOM: cam, chris, chik)

intac. (L-R: hm..kakatamad. ang dami eh. haha!)

at the caf. (L-R: jc, kia)

at the caf. (L-R: ck, calves)

HAHAHA! lalang.

2005-07-15T21:26:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHA!!

clara denise, benedict, jose carlos, calvin, and i went to divi awhile ago after classes!! it was such a fun experience!! thanks to the LRT and to the jeep who made our "trip" a lot faster. i bought jerseys while clara bought, um, a LOT. from head to toe eh! haha! naubusan kami ng pera!! after hours of shopping, we met up with the guys at the food court. laughtrip sobra!! we just laughed and laughed and laughed, sometimes without any reason at all. HAHAHA!

after that silly moment, i rushed to ateneo to train for team B. i was ALMOST late. i arrived there at 5pm. i was so tired but i didn't care because i know that soccer will be able to relieve me from my stress and problems...and it did! thank you! haha. i went home at once for my dad's birthday dinner. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PA!! I LOVE YOU!!

here i am again, downloading YM. bv. 35% na! hehe. add me! my ym id is ilovemilk08. that's ilovemilk - zero - eight. hahaha labo..

ang babaw ko. lahat nlng ng pwedeng gawing masaya, ginagawa ko na... haay. walang kwenta na nga entries ko eh. pfft. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! i'm goin to keep on staying happy, and for sure i'll be okay. SMILE!!

2005-07-13T22:31:00.000+08:00

i'm so pissed at how things are going now!!
i'm so pissed on how things are going now!!
fuck the grammar!! who the hell cares?!
i hate you.
i feel like crying. i feel like kicking someone.
jealousy, hatred, and loss are all creeping in me right now.
RIGHT NOW.
these mixed emotions want me to just DIE.
you know that feeling?! the feeling that you don't care about anything and anyone anymore.
ARGH!!

i'm supposed to be doing my fil project right now, but who cares? like i'm going to be in the dean's list anyway. tss.

2005-07-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

mabuhay ang mga atenista kahit bano sa basketball!!! WAHAA.

goal keeper ako nung training kahapon kasi late ako. besides that, ang sakit ng tummy ko. parang bang nature is calling. pfft. first time ako mag goal keeper in my whole life! sobrang nakakatakot.. pag padating na ung ball, ung heart ko sobrang nagbbeat talaga as in sobrang fast. hahaha. kainis lang ung feeling kung hindi mo masalo ung ball. 1st and last time ko na magkkeeper nun. promise. ayoko na ma-late. haha.

bakit ba late ako? kasi naman nag starbucks kami. i was with cybelle and nikki nung una. tapos nakita namen si madel, chez, and vicka naglalakad sa admu!! sobrang saya! haha! so nag starbs na kami. tapos dumating ung boyfriend ni nikki. ayee.. ung highlight nung event, ung boyfriend ng friend ni madel. laid-back, astig, ang lakas ng dating, gwapo.. WAAAAAAAA madel i think i'm in love!! hahaha joke lang. may gf na ung tao eh. hahahaha. madel and chez i miss you na ngaun pa lang! kwentuhan next time ulit!!

eto, excited na ako mag blog. kasi nag people-watching kami ni thera pauwi from training nung monday. nasa jeep kami, and we were observing the other jeepney passengers. hahaha, kababawan ampucha.
* ung college girl sa harap ko (mukhang college eh), ayos ung porma. ang cute pa ng flipflops niya..
* may isa pang lady sa harap ko na katext yata ung boyfriend niya, kasi hindi niya mapigilan mag-smile. nakatago pa ung hand and phone niya sa bag niya, feeling may magnanakaw. haha.
* ung boy sa tabi ko nakakatulog na. ung tipong napapa-lean na sha saken unconsciously, tapos magigising bigla. FUNNY!! wahahaha!
* ung guy sa harap ko rin na ang kapal magtext sa jeep nung umpisa, nakatulog na nung bumaba na si thera. yihee.. hahahaaaa!
sobrang saya mag people-watching...! :)

kakatapos ko lang gawin ung eng hw. ang hirap mehn. pero tolerable naman. ang saya nung break, puro kwentuhan kami ng blockmates ko. puro kagaguhan...at, ang daming green-minded sa block. hahaha buti nlng!! waha ang gago eh. joke. galing ako starbucks kanina with paul and eloise. hindi nako bumili...para tipid naman. wink.

pag-uwi ko, natulog ako. hahaha. tama si paul, hindi ako makakaaral agad. haay. kakapagod college.

i miss my friends! katz, parang gusto ko na itapon sun ko dahil sayo.. naks. ;)

2005-07-10T16:38:00.000+08:00

i'm supposed to be studying the 4 cycles for our es quiz tomorrow but i'm freakin lazy to do so. the only cycle i know is the carbon cycle... waaa i need something or someone to push me to study. hm...

the intac session yesterday was so pointless!! besides that, it was so humid in CTC 302.. arghhh! after intac, some of my blockmates and i bought food at mcdo, and ate it at ateneo. we were supposed to have this picnic on the bell field, but we ended up in the bell building. haha! where's the picnic??

i headed to jollibee katips after to meet my cousins. grabe i saw more than i expected. rico was there.. so were grace and mia and meg and thea and coach badz. then i went to starbucks to sit with aiu and nica... then we all headed to sai's debut at tierra pura. when we arrived, the place was packed with basketball players. sai kasi eh, mashadong maka-basketball. haha.

the party ended early so my cousins and i went to tapika to drink. by the way, i only have P20 left in my wallet! good thing ate din gave me her P100 share in sai's ballers. God is good!! haha! anyway, ate din, la, and i ended up talking non-stop about crushes, about birthdays, about life, about our careers, about the future... deep minds and rich conversations - that's what we got from drinking. then we headed to starbucks to wait for our dad. i spent my last P40 on a brownie. so how much do i have in my wallet right now? 25 cents. HAHA! we arrived home around 3am.

i'm supposed to be in the admu-dlsu game today at araneta, pero wala akong gana. wtf?! why?! because they are gonna be there.

...

GO ATENEO!!

2005-07-08T23:56:00.000+08:00

since i can't sleep and i have no one to talk to (how pathetic..haha), i'm goin to write and share stuff about my everyday life. YUCK! this is really mundane and banal. damn you, i don't know how to add some spice in my writing anymore. ICK. that sounded pretty stupid. =/

1. i saw heart and jericho at OJ's last june. hahaha!!
2. pink is the color of our team's jacket...i still can't believe it.
3. kay, ruja, and i met awhile ago at the coffeebean and tea leaf (i think?), and talked about the lives we now have. waaa i miss high school!! woah, i gathered up a lot of chismis from them hahaha, like what's happening with toot and what's goin on in toot. labo. kay's in UP, ruj's in DLSU, while i'm in ADMU. `stig noh?
4. happy birthday sai sadorra and mark asunscion! expect me in your parties (2) tomorrow!
5. 5 shots of vodka, 1 shot of ewan drink, 1 shot of tequila, and 1 and 1/2 glass of beer - and still standing. hahaha. beat that jc. and chik and chris and ben and shaan and calves and birthday boy aldric. hahaha labo. i miss C1, my blockmates!
6. i play soccerfrom monday-friday. MWF are training days while TTH are PE days. bez naman. good luck to me.
7. i joined speed (special education) and amp (ateneo musician's pool). how i wish i could join lfc (loyola film circle) too...well, maybe next year. :)
8. i finally learned how to play neon, broken sonnet, and the day you said goodnight with the guitar. i feel so good! hahaha... i want a new guitar!!
9. environmental science, well, still sucks. we're goin to have this quiz about cycles. what the hell? i don't even know what cycles are!
10. thanks so much to chez, adrian, nikki, and mark for lightening my burdens. of all the people, you were the ones who were by my side during my most depressing days! i really didn't expect your txt messages at first. ung mga hindi ko pa talaga ganun ka-close, un pa ung nandun. iba talaga.. gosh i so love my friends.

i want to sleep right now, but i can't..my eyes really hurt.

2005-07-08T13:20:00.000+08:00

i know i'm not the one you're thinking of
cause i am the past
and im gone
so what now
coz i know this will be very hard
to go back in time
press rewind
cause you don't know
what i really feel
you don't know
what i really need
and you don't know
my name, and the pain
...

2005-07-07T19:42:00.000+08:00

* i feel so alone. kahit na mejo masaya naman sa school, feeling ko mag-isa pa rin ako. tapos kung nawawalan na ako ng kasama, grabe sobrang sad na! haha ang OA pero it's true. depression sucks big time. lam mo ba wala pa akong naaaral!! sobrang wla sa mood!

* i don't know what my purpose in life is. i forgot what it is to feel the fulfillment i used to feel. i am currently not inspired. woohoo i want to trade my life with jollibee...kasi sha always jolly. shit ang labo ko naaaa...

* yesterday, i scored 3 goals nung game nung training. sobrang saya! i felt so much better. :) pati si nikki alcantara, naka-goal!! congraaaaats!! ahaha, and si cha...pero, sa goal namen niya na-shoot kaya score ng kalaban. haha cute!

* er, pink ung jacket namen sa team.. mejo, malabo? haha.. but it's okay.

* okay..um, what's next? ... haay

2005-07-06T14:21:00.000+08:00

CAN SOMEONE STOP PLEASE SAVE ME FROM DEPRESSION?!

sobrang wala nakong gana mag-aral.